i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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