16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
