So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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