I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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