How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
