honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
