why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
