So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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