just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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