I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize