I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bring me that man meat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
