Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
