he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
