Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
