It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
