I hate all girls vehemently.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
