Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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