So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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