Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
