I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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