I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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