i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
