I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize