dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
smell my finger.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize