she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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