I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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