this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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