There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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