I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
