well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
