Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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