i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
