So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
