I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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