I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize