Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
