After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
