Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
