oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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