I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
