loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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