He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
