TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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