Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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