btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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