Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
