its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you win again, gameday.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
