Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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