i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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