omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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