He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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