4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
