i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize