So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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