she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
