Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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