So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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