I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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