he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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