I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
