I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
