I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i believe in u and ur pee
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