New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
