He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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