Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
