Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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