i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
