you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
