Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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