I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize