You made me cry and you don't even care
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
