Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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