remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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