No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize