i would punch a child for taco bell
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
