Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
