Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
