Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
