Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
