Are we in a gay sports bar?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
