I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize